Hello my friends.
An update as promised. The church investigated and found that no wrong had been done. Apparently being separated for three weeks and promising to work on your marriage does indeed mean that you may go off with another person. It is a worrying state that the church is happy with this outcome and that they also bought blatant lies but what we can do? It is in God's hands.
I am great and doing really well. Join me in my other blog for my adventures.
Love and blessings to you all.
Friday 25 December 2015
Monday 19 October 2015
Wednesday 14 October 2015
End of a Chapter
Hello! It's been so very long since I have blogged to you, a whole year in fact and much has happened.
I changed jobs last year and moved off my idyllic little island back onto the mainland to work in a small city as a children and family worker, still with the Church of Scotland. Much has changed.
When the Raving Rev and I moved, things were difficult with us, they had been for a couple of years. The Raving Rev was ignoring me, losing himself in tv shows all day, on his iPad from first thing in the morning until last thing at night. He was also studying for his ministry but doing nothing to help me. It was tough. At Christmas, my parents thought that both they and I had annoyed him as he kept going off into the bedroom and not spending time with any of us. No matter what was said or done, nothing could be done to reach him. By March of this year, I felt as if I was going to have a breakdown. I couldn't cope anymore. I knew something was wrong but he wouldn't talk to me. It broke my heart but I suggested a trial separation. A time for us to sort ourselves out and work on our marriage. It wasn't an easy decision to make. The Raving Rev agreed and moved into the spare room of our house and the next few months were hell. He continued to ignore me and then cling to me. His behaviour was erratic and I would keep going away once a month to stay with friends so that I could have a break and breathe. I also noticed that he had begun to get close to a fellow trainee minister over Facebook though when I asked him about it, he assured me that they were just friends and it was me he loved. After all, we had been together for fifteen years and we weren't going to throw that away. Well, the Raving Rev was offered the position of being a Locum minister for the Church of Scotland on an island for a year and he took it. It was agreed that as he had to come down at least once a month for his training we would meet up, we would date, we would talk, we would work on our marriage.
He left on the 3rd June and travelled up to the island. I didn't hear very much from over over the next three weeks but then I did and it blew me away. On the Friday, I received a text from him telling me that he had been offered the opportunity to finish his last two years training on the island and he was going to take it. I was shocked and in truth, not looking froward to living on an island again. His next text completely shocked me, he suggested that we should get a divorce. It came out of nowhere and I had no idea why. We were supposed to be working on our marriage, we'd been together for fifteen years, what was going on? I didn't know what to say. I didn't agree nor disagree, I was just in total shock.
Two weeks later I was texting him and it was great. We were getting on and I had my hope restored. Early the next morning I received a text message from him saying "Morning beautiful xxx love you". I was over the moon. We were good, we were going to keep our vows, we were......wait. Something was wrong. I asked him if that was for me. No, it wasn't. He had started a relationship with the fellow candidate for Church of Scotland ministry. The one he had assured me that there was nothing going on with. Strangely enough, it was unplanned you understand, that the Friday he asked for a divorce had nothing to do with them starting their relationship that very weekend.
It's all been very messy since. The Raving Rev declared he loved me, whilst also telling her he loved her. He told me that he wasn't in communication with her when in fact, he never stopped talking to her. She, in an email to me, told me that she would step back. She didn't and she continued to tell him she loved him. They had planned a trip for her to visit him and for her to preach at his church. The Raving Rev told me that he had cancelled her visit, in fact he hadn't and she was there when he told me that blatant lie. He spent the whole of August with her and began telling people that he and I had finished in March and that there were never plans for us to reconcile. He has told so many lies that I sadly, don't recognise him anymore. He has also, finally admitted that he is an alcoholic and addicted to pain medication.
I have been through so much with the Raving Rev. The mood swings, the drinking, the debt, the aggressive outbursts, the laughs, the stupid times. Despite all this, the Raving Rev refuses to even try to work on the marriage. I hurt him by suggesting a trial separation and for that, he is more than happy to break his vows to God, to me and to throw fifteen years of our lives away.
If I'm honest, what truly worries me is that the Raving Rev and his new girlfriend think that God blesses their relationship! How will they minister to married couples who are having the same issues as he and I had? Will they both tell them to work at it which makes him a hypocrite, or will they tell them to split up become someone else is there, them being the example even though if flies directly in the face of scripture?
Church of Scotland are looking into this so we can only wait and see what they will decide.
So my friends, a lot of information for you there. In the meantime, I have a new job, a new place and I'm moving on. I am ending this blog as I'm no longer going to be a minister's wife but I will update you with my new blog as my adventures are just beginning. I will also keep you updated on what the Church of Scotland decide. Please pray for God's guidance in all of this.
Thanks for reading and join me in my new adventures.
Blessings!
I changed jobs last year and moved off my idyllic little island back onto the mainland to work in a small city as a children and family worker, still with the Church of Scotland. Much has changed.
When the Raving Rev and I moved, things were difficult with us, they had been for a couple of years. The Raving Rev was ignoring me, losing himself in tv shows all day, on his iPad from first thing in the morning until last thing at night. He was also studying for his ministry but doing nothing to help me. It was tough. At Christmas, my parents thought that both they and I had annoyed him as he kept going off into the bedroom and not spending time with any of us. No matter what was said or done, nothing could be done to reach him. By March of this year, I felt as if I was going to have a breakdown. I couldn't cope anymore. I knew something was wrong but he wouldn't talk to me. It broke my heart but I suggested a trial separation. A time for us to sort ourselves out and work on our marriage. It wasn't an easy decision to make. The Raving Rev agreed and moved into the spare room of our house and the next few months were hell. He continued to ignore me and then cling to me. His behaviour was erratic and I would keep going away once a month to stay with friends so that I could have a break and breathe. I also noticed that he had begun to get close to a fellow trainee minister over Facebook though when I asked him about it, he assured me that they were just friends and it was me he loved. After all, we had been together for fifteen years and we weren't going to throw that away. Well, the Raving Rev was offered the position of being a Locum minister for the Church of Scotland on an island for a year and he took it. It was agreed that as he had to come down at least once a month for his training we would meet up, we would date, we would talk, we would work on our marriage.
He left on the 3rd June and travelled up to the island. I didn't hear very much from over over the next three weeks but then I did and it blew me away. On the Friday, I received a text from him telling me that he had been offered the opportunity to finish his last two years training on the island and he was going to take it. I was shocked and in truth, not looking froward to living on an island again. His next text completely shocked me, he suggested that we should get a divorce. It came out of nowhere and I had no idea why. We were supposed to be working on our marriage, we'd been together for fifteen years, what was going on? I didn't know what to say. I didn't agree nor disagree, I was just in total shock.
Two weeks later I was texting him and it was great. We were getting on and I had my hope restored. Early the next morning I received a text message from him saying "Morning beautiful xxx love you". I was over the moon. We were good, we were going to keep our vows, we were......wait. Something was wrong. I asked him if that was for me. No, it wasn't. He had started a relationship with the fellow candidate for Church of Scotland ministry. The one he had assured me that there was nothing going on with. Strangely enough, it was unplanned you understand, that the Friday he asked for a divorce had nothing to do with them starting their relationship that very weekend.
It's all been very messy since. The Raving Rev declared he loved me, whilst also telling her he loved her. He told me that he wasn't in communication with her when in fact, he never stopped talking to her. She, in an email to me, told me that she would step back. She didn't and she continued to tell him she loved him. They had planned a trip for her to visit him and for her to preach at his church. The Raving Rev told me that he had cancelled her visit, in fact he hadn't and she was there when he told me that blatant lie. He spent the whole of August with her and began telling people that he and I had finished in March and that there were never plans for us to reconcile. He has told so many lies that I sadly, don't recognise him anymore. He has also, finally admitted that he is an alcoholic and addicted to pain medication.
I have been through so much with the Raving Rev. The mood swings, the drinking, the debt, the aggressive outbursts, the laughs, the stupid times. Despite all this, the Raving Rev refuses to even try to work on the marriage. I hurt him by suggesting a trial separation and for that, he is more than happy to break his vows to God, to me and to throw fifteen years of our lives away.
If I'm honest, what truly worries me is that the Raving Rev and his new girlfriend think that God blesses their relationship! How will they minister to married couples who are having the same issues as he and I had? Will they both tell them to work at it which makes him a hypocrite, or will they tell them to split up become someone else is there, them being the example even though if flies directly in the face of scripture?
Church of Scotland are looking into this so we can only wait and see what they will decide.
So my friends, a lot of information for you there. In the meantime, I have a new job, a new place and I'm moving on. I am ending this blog as I'm no longer going to be a minister's wife but I will update you with my new blog as my adventures are just beginning. I will also keep you updated on what the Church of Scotland decide. Please pray for God's guidance in all of this.
Thanks for reading and join me in my new adventures.
Blessings!
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