I have shared with you a couple of my experiences with the Raving Rev. Experiences where stupidity has reigned. Situations where common sense has been regarded as a myth. Earlier today I was remembering one instance when the Raving Rev and I went shopping with my dad.
On the drive to the superstore my dad was ranting about how stupid the Raving Rev could be (this is due to something silly he had done earlier during the day, of which escapes my memory). Was he (Raving Rev) completely devoid of common sense? Did he ever think before he did something? Was there any hope for him? While my dad was having his wee rant I became acutely aware that the Raving Rev had gone silent in the back of the car. I know this silence, something has gone wrong. We park and all get out and I see his face. He's looking sheepish and trying to avoid eye contact with my dad. "What's the matter?" I ask. He held his coat out to me, well kind of. I looked closely. The Raving Rev had gone and got his thumb stuck in the buttonhole of his coat and it was turning blue! He didn't want to say anything because my dad would think him to be an imbecile. My dad stared at him, shook his head in disbelief and walked off, leaving me to free the Raving Rev from his coat. My dad, not long after this, asked me the question of why I chose someone with no common sense (aka stupid). I have pondered this question for years and only today realised the answer.
I only know stupid/crazy/lack of common sense. It was what I grew up with! Of course I'm going to choose a partner lacking in common sense.
I can remember when I was about 15 years old my mum decided that we (her and I) were going to clear out the garage. Our garage was full of junk. Indeed I don't believe that any of our garages have ever been used for cars but just a place to store junk. There were tables, cabinets, boxes, tool boxes (I never understood why we had tool boxes. In my family tools were as useful to us as an oxygen tank is to a fish), old books, the list is endless. Well this garage had a leak and it had been raining plenty and the rain water had collected in various receptacles. One such place was in a planting tray atop the cabinet. Now I could clearly see that it had water in it due to the fact that my old plastic ball was floating in it. It was very obvious, or so I thought. Well my mum started her hurricane tidying (throwing junk from one side of the garage to the other and moaning about it) and halfway through she reached up for the planter. I watched as she violently grabbed the planter and yanked. The water poured all over her head. She gasped and her eyes widened. Then to add insult to injury the ball followed the water, bounced off her head and made a bid for escape through the open door. My mum stood frozen to the spot with her arm in the air, holding the now empty planter. She glared at me and as the smile began to creep upon my face she growled "Don't. You. DARE. Laugh." I stared at the water dripping off mums hair into her eyes. Mum stared back. I swallowed. "I'll go get you a towel." I ran into the house where I promptly collapsed roaring with laughter. It took me 10 minutes to control myself and be able to return outside with a towel to which I was greeted with "Took you long enough. You better not be laughing." "No, of course not" I lied.
Common Sense 0 - Stupidity 1
There was another time when I was around 16 years old. Mum had gone to bingo leaving dad and I in the house. Dad had fallen asleep after dinner so I went to my room to listen to music and read. Well, around an hour later there was a hammering at the front door. I listened and realised that dad must still be asleep as he wasn't answering it. I went and opened the door to an irate man. "Is it you who has the fire?" he barked. I stared at him, uncomprehendingly. Exasperated at my lack of response he began flailing his arms in the air whilst trying to make me understand. I worked out that someone had a bonfire. There was thick smoke. It was dangerous. It looks to be coming from our garden. "Oh that" I said. "No it's not us. Dad's in the frontroom and he's been moaning about it himself." I don't, to this day, know why I lied but I did. The man looked taken aback. He had been wrong. He apologised, left and went banging on our neighbours door. As I closed the front door I had a sinking feeling. I already knew but I had to check. As I walked to the frontroom I knew what I'd find but I prayed I'd be wrong. I hoped dad would be asleep in there, oblivious to the world and to prove that I hadn't just lied to a total stranger. I looked through the door and his chair was empty. My heart sank. I slowly wandered out to the back garden, knowing what I would find but still hoping I was wrong. I opened the backdoor and saw thick, black smoke billowing over to the houses at the back of us. I saw the fire raging and threatening to set the hedge alight. Then I saw my dad. He was doing the
most bizarre thing I have ever seen. He was running from the side of the house up to the fire with the garden hose pipe. His run though was not that of a
fireman or a regular man for that matter. He held the hose at his waist and ran pulling his knees up to his chest. It looked like something out of a comedy sketch. The hose pipe was trickling water and as he 'ran' past my dad shouted "don't worry love, it'll be fine". I sighed, turned around and went back in the house.
Common Sense 0 - Stupidity 2
Now as an adult these things should cease but yesterday I found myself again lying for parents and shaking my head. My dad needed to go to the chemist and collect some bandages for his doctors appointment. We went down to the chemist and I offered to run in and get his prescription for him. A simple job, what could go wrong? I go in, ask and receive a small bag. I check it. "No, he needs the bandages" I say. Thus begins a 20 minute stay in the chemist. They cannot find the prescription. Has it been delivered? No, if it had I wouldn't be standing there would I? Has someone picked it up? Again, no otherwise I wouldn't be standing there. Am I sure? I could feel my blood pressure rising and my temper getting shorter. At one point, four of them were staring at the computer, as if that would make the prescription appear! I wanted to say something. I was getting angry and I wanted to shout. Thankfully, God kept my tongue silent. After a very long 20 minutes they kindly gave me another set of bandages so that we could make it in time for dads appointment. As we drove to the surgery and I was retelling the saga I had that sinking feeling again. "Dad, they said someone had picked up the prescription but I said that no one had. You hadn't got the prescription had you?" His answer was this. "Yeah of
course I have love. It's in the back of the car. I forgot and I haven't checked it yet." I looked around and saw the bag. I grabbed it and looked inside. For the
first time ever in my life I slapped my dad and swore at him. "You bloody idiot the bandages are here! I nearly had a go at those poor people! I thought they were incompetent. I lied to them!" He laughed. "Oh well" was the response I received.
Common Sense 0 - Stupidity 3
Stupidity. Lack of common sense. Why did I choose a daft partner? Because I know no different. Common sense is not abundant in my family. Stupidity reigns. Makes for good stories though.
