Minister's Wife Training - Step One

I have had my first training session to be a minister's wife!  It went.....well.....it went.  I think more training and practice is needed.  Let me tell you all about it.  

Last week I set off on my trails to where I used to live as a youngster.  My friend, who I have known since I was 15 years old, was getting her wee one baptised/christened and as I hadn't yet had the chance to get back and meet her and the baby, this seemed to be the perfect opportunity!  I must say at this point that he is a fine young fellow and it is truly lovely to watch my friend's face light up with pure joy whenever she sees him and he smiles.  

So there we were, sitting in her kitchen, being all grown up and drinking tea and discussing how different our lives are from the plans we had made when we were fifteen.  I had planned to marry the lead singer from the Red Hot Chilli Peppers and live a rock 'n' roll lifestyle, riding around on motorbikes and just living the dream.  My friend's plans....well that's her story to tell, not mine.  She looked across at me and shook her head and said "I still cannot believe that you are a Christian youth worker and that you, YOU, are going to be a minister's wife".  I'm still not sure whether to take that as a compliment or not, if there even is one in there.  She carried on "I mean, come on, let's face it, I'm more of a minister's wife than you are!  I like baking, I do sewing and crafts, I could do coffee mornings and those Guild meetings."  I nodded in agreement.  In theory, and taking the 'traditional' viewpoint of a minister's wife, my friend would indeed be perfect.  Suddenly she leapt up and I knew from experience that something frightening was about to happen.  "Come on, I can help you!  I'll help you to become a minister's wife".  Cold dread filled me and I looked at her completely terrified.  My first thought was "she's going to try and show me how to dress properly".  This was because my friend was stood before me in a nice pair of trainers, jeans, white top, small green cardigan and her make-up looking lovely.  She looked like a modern version of a minister's wife and she had done it all and stayed clean and tidy with a toddler in the house.  I was in sheer awe of her.  I, on the other hand, was sat there in my boots (think tomb raider style), jeans, little top and a fitted plaid shirt over the top (yes I admit it, I've joined the plaid brigade).  My friend, as if reading my mind, gave a small shake of her head.  We both know that the clothes will take longer.  In all the years she has known me, she has managed to persuade me to buy 5 dresses and 4 skirts and actually gotten me to wear them.  Now that I have left, I have no idea where they are and my legs haven't seen sunlight since 2002.  It's now a safety hazard for me to expose my legs as the sunlight bounces off them (white as they are) and blinds oncoming traffic.  The clothes will have to wait.

So what is the training that my friend offered me, I hear you ask with baited breath.  She taught me a skill and a hobby, she taught me the art of crochet.  My friend is fast becoming a crochet queen.  She has made cushion covers, blankets, bags, teddies and more!  Here is a photo of just some of the things that she has made.

Totally brilliant and just a wee bit daunting.  "Don't worry, it's easy and I'll talk you through it" said my friend, with a confident smile.  So we sat on, what I have now termed the 'magic' blanket and began to crochet.  I must say at this point that my friend is a natural teacher and encourager.  My first attempt, the loops were so tight it was impossible to continue the crochet but she smiled and said 'try again'.  Second time I ended up with a twisted mass of wool.  She took it, looked at it, twisted it, smiled and said "no, look, there is the chain that you need to go through.  Keep going, you're doing well for your first try".  One hour later and I've created a small row of crochet.  I've dropped stitches and it forms the letter C but I've managed to do it, phew.  My friend smiles proudly at me and I grin back.  Then, unable to help myself, I sarcastically 'give' her the C of crochet and say "It's a gift from me to you, so now you have to keep it hahahaha!"  At this point her smile wavers slightly but she takes it and places it in her 'special' box which looks suspiciously like her little one's toy box, hmmmm.  

Now, apparently, I'm ready for something more serious and adventurous in the crochet world.  We're going to make a granny square.  I gulp and shakily pick up the crochet hook.  I feel like I've just entered a crochet battlefield and I'm not sure if I'll survive to the end.  "Don't worry, I'm here with you" smiles my friend and we begin.  She talks me through the steps getting faster and faster - "through the hoop, wrap the yarn, pull it through, wrap the yarn, slip two, wrap the yarn, slip two" on and on.  I'm doing well and feel like I can do anything.  I'm casting chains, wrapping yarns, slipping stitches when suddenly, in the rush and excitement and panic I got lost.  The yarn wasn't wrapping and stitches were slipping when they should have been staying.  I could see my friend charging away from me on the crochet battlefield aaargh!  She stopped and looked back and I looked up at her, tears brimming in my eyes, "go on, I'm lost, keep going and save yourself" I cried.  She shook her head and against all the dangers to herself and her granny square, came running back for me.  She grabbed me and my crochet square "come on, you can do this, wrap the yarn, through the hoop, wrap the yarn, back through, wrap the yarn, slip two - THAT'S IT!  Come on, we're almost there".  A true friend and crochet soldier to the end and do you know, we made it out alive.  Here below, is my granny square.  

It's not perfect nor is it anywhere near as pretty as my friend's but I made it and I'm quite happy with it.  After the excitement of that day my friend gave me homework - go home and make another square.  Easy peasy, lemon squeezy!  

Two days later I'm at home and I pick up the wool and crochet hook. Ah, hmmmm, can't remember how to begin.  I find some instructions from a crochet book that another friend had bought for me (don't ask, I think it's a conspiracy and all my friends are ganging together to train me to be a 'traditional' minister's wife) and I begin.  I start off quite well - 

I'm feeling happy and confident.  It's not looking too bad.  So I carry on 'wrap the yarn, through the hoop, wrap the yarn, back through, wrap the yarn, slip two' and on and on.  Here is how my square is looking at the moment - 

Ah, I think I may have gone wrong somewhere.  I apparently didn't know when to stop putting corners in and my square ended up with 8 corners.  Ahem, well, um........I think I may have failed this stage of 'minister's wife training'.  Somehow, this isn't going to be easy as was first thought.  However, on the plus side, after realising that I can't even crochet a square on my own I got a fantastic surprise through the post.  

I won some mascara, yay!  So I'm off to get my black, grey/silver eye shadows on and dress up my lashes with some new fancy mascara.  I'll try the crochet tomorrow, or maybe next week, perhaps next year.......