Hello all and hello spring!  Spring?  Sprriiinnngg?  I swear it was here two days ago, honest.  The sun was out, it was warmer, the snowdrops were making an appearance as were the daffodils.  Now it's snowing and 0 degrees, grrrr.  Don't get me wrong, I like the snow but I like it in winter, I'm sure it's supposed to be spring now.  

Well the past couple of months have been hectic and a bit stressful.  The Raving Rev and I are doing so much travelling and work right now that if we get to see each other for one evening a week, it's cause for celebration.  How do we celebrate our time together?  As all married couples do, asleep in front of the tv, oh the romance haha.  My training to become a minister's wife is not going well and I seem to be failing sob.  For instance, minister's wives should be calm, peaceful and approachable.  I have not been any of the aforementioned of late and so decided that I should do something about it.  

I took the dog and myself down to a quiet cove on a lovely (spring) day last week.  My intention was to watch the ships sail pass and imagine the lives of the people aboard the ships.  For instance, was someone drinking a cup of coffee in the cafeteria thinking about their family at home?  Was someone out on the deck having a smoke and look at the land as it passed by, wondering about the people who lived there?  Was the captain busy at that moment or sitting quietly?  I love to do this as it makes me feel connected to fellow human beings and it stills my frantic mind.  So, I give the dog his ball to play with and I settle down.  I take a deep breath, gaze out to sea, focus on a ship, feel something being dropped into my lap and hear a whinging.  What?  The dog doesn't like playing with his ball on the pebbles.  I stare at him and he whinges at me and then looks mournfully toward the grassy area of the beach.  I sigh, get up, take him and his ball to the grassy part and settle back down.  I stare out to sea, I watch the ship, I begin to imagine the people, the man drinking his coffee (pfft, pfft, pfft), the guy writing a letter (rip, rip, pfft, pfft), writing a letter (whinge, whinge, pfft pfft), writing a letter (thunk, bang, pfft, pfft, whiiinnngge)...oh for goodness sake!  I turn around and there is the dog trying to squeak his ball but the squeak is dead, hence the pfft pfft sounds.  He's then ripping up the grass, whining because his ball isn't squeaking, running into boulders and rocks, aaarrgh.  I felt like Master Shifu from Kung Fu Panda, you know the scene "inner peace.....inner peace....inner......inner....in.....aargh".  I gave up, grabbed the dog and the ball and went home even less peaceful and calm than before we set out, if that were possible.  The ship sailed past peacefully and I stropped home stressfully.  Peaceful, approachable and calm test - FAIL.

My next failing as trainee minister's wife - language.  I try so very hard not to swear in any circumstance.  It has been noted in the past that the more stressed I get the more colourful my language so I've really been working on controlling my language.  As you may have guessed, I failed and the manner in which I failed is embarrassing.  I have a couple of friends who do not swear, at all!  I aspire to be like them.  No matter what happens, no matter the agony or pain they may be in, how stressed they are, how shocked they are, not one profanity is uttered from their lips.  One of them had a horse stand on her, the other was bitten by a lima and karate chopped by a penguin (which broke her hand) yet not one swear word passed their lips.  I'm sat around at a friend's house the other day, their cat jumps on me and sticks it's claws straight into my leg.  AAAAARRRRGHH!  I held the swear word in but apparently it was very evident that it was there on my lips, first letter already being uttered.  So, clean language test - FAIL.  

Then my most worrying development occurred the other day.  I had never seen the comedian Tim Minchin and I was watching one of his stand up shows.  In it he began to discuss having a dark humour and how there is a line.  I never thought that I had a dark sense of humour (sarcastic yes) and as he began his joke I thought "I won't find this funny at all.  This is going to be an hour of my life I won't get back".  Worryingly though, I laughed and I discovered that I do actually have a very dark sense of humour.  Are minister's wives supposed to have a dark sense of humour?  Surely it's supposed to be pure, fluffy, clean cut and gentle laughing?  

So to sum it all up, I'm not peaceful or approachable, I have colourful language and a dark sense of humour.  Pair this with the dark clothes and big boots.  Oh yeah, I'm gonna make a great minister's wife, bwahahahahaha.  

Be blessed.