Hello! It's been so very long since I have blogged to you, a whole year in fact and much has happened.
I changed jobs last year and moved off my idyllic little island back onto the mainland to work in a small city as a children and family worker, still with the Church of Scotland. Much has changed.
When the Raving Rev and I moved, things were difficult with us, they had been for a couple of years. The Raving Rev was ignoring me, losing himself in tv shows all day, on his iPad from first thing in the morning until last thing at night. He was also studying for his ministry but doing nothing to help me. It was tough. At Christmas, my parents thought that both they and I had annoyed him as he kept going off into the bedroom and not spending time with any of us. No matter what was said or done, nothing could be done to reach him. By March of this year, I felt as if I was going to have a breakdown. I couldn't cope anymore. I knew something was wrong but he wouldn't talk to me. It broke my heart but I suggested a trial separation. A time for us to sort ourselves out and work on our marriage. It wasn't an easy decision to make. The Raving Rev agreed and moved into the spare room of our house and the next few months were hell. He continued to ignore me and then cling to me. His behaviour was erratic and I would keep going away once a month to stay with friends so that I could have a break and breathe. I also noticed that he had begun to get close to a fellow trainee minister over Facebook though when I asked him about it, he assured me that they were just friends and it was me he loved. After all, we had been together for fifteen years and we weren't going to throw that away. Well, the Raving Rev was offered the position of being a Locum minister for the Church of Scotland on an island for a year and he took it. It was agreed that as he had to come down at least once a month for his training we would meet up, we would date, we would talk, we would work on our marriage.
He left on the 3rd June and travelled up to the island. I didn't hear very much from over over the next three weeks but then I did and it blew me away. On the Friday, I received a text from him telling me that he had been offered the opportunity to finish his last two years training on the island and he was going to take it. I was shocked and in truth, not looking froward to living on an island again. His next text completely shocked me, he suggested that we should get a divorce. It came out of nowhere and I had no idea why. We were supposed to be working on our marriage, we'd been together for fifteen years, what was going on? I didn't know what to say. I didn't agree nor disagree, I was just in total shock.
Two weeks later I was texting him and it was great. We were getting on and I had my hope restored. Early the next morning I received a text message from him saying "Morning beautiful xxx love you". I was over the moon. We were good, we were going to keep our vows, we were......wait. Something was wrong. I asked him if that was for me. No, it wasn't. He had started a relationship with the fellow candidate for Church of Scotland ministry. The one he had assured me that there was nothing going on with. Strangely enough, it was unplanned you understand, that the Friday he asked for a divorce had nothing to do with them starting their relationship that very weekend.
It's all been very messy since. The Raving Rev declared he loved me, whilst also telling her he loved her. He told me that he wasn't in communication with her when in fact, he never stopped talking to her. She, in an email to me, told me that she would step back. She didn't and she continued to tell him she loved him. They had planned a trip for her to visit him and for her to preach at his church. The Raving Rev told me that he had cancelled her visit, in fact he hadn't and she was there when he told me that blatant lie. He spent the whole of August with her and began telling people that he and I had finished in March and that there were never plans for us to reconcile. He has told so many lies that I sadly, don't recognise him anymore. He has also, finally admitted that he is an alcoholic and addicted to pain medication.
I have been through so much with the Raving Rev. The mood swings, the drinking, the debt, the aggressive outbursts, the laughs, the stupid times. Despite all this, the Raving Rev refuses to even try to work on the marriage. I hurt him by suggesting a trial separation and for that, he is more than happy to break his vows to God, to me and to throw fifteen years of our lives away.
If I'm honest, what truly worries me is that the Raving Rev and his new girlfriend think that God blesses their relationship! How will they minister to married couples who are having the same issues as he and I had? Will they both tell them to work at it which makes him a hypocrite, or will they tell them to split up become someone else is there, them being the example even though if flies directly in the face of scripture?
Church of Scotland are looking into this so we can only wait and see what they will decide.
So my friends, a lot of information for you there. In the meantime, I have a new job, a new place and I'm moving on. I am ending this blog as I'm no longer going to be a minister's wife but I will update you with my new blog as my adventures are just beginning. I will also keep you updated on what the Church of Scotland decide. Please pray for God's guidance in all of this.
Thanks for reading and join me in my new adventures.
Blessings!
Wednesday, 14 October 2015
Sunday, 19 October 2014
I Only Know Crazy (aka I Only Know Stupid)
I have shared with you a couple of my experiences with the Raving Rev. Experiences where stupidity has reigned. Situations where common sense has been regarded as a myth. Earlier today I was remembering one instance when the Raving Rev and I went shopping with my dad.
On the drive to the superstore my dad was ranting about how stupid the Raving Rev could be (this is due to something silly he had done earlier during the day, of which escapes my memory). Was he (Raving Rev) completely devoid of common sense? Did he ever think before he did something? Was there any hope for him? While my dad was having his wee rant I became acutely aware that the Raving Rev had gone silent in the back of the car. I know this silence, something has gone wrong. We park and all get out and I see his face. He's looking sheepish and trying to avoid eye contact with my dad. "What's the matter?" I ask. He held his coat out to me, well kind of. I looked closely. The Raving Rev had gone and got his thumb stuck in the buttonhole of his coat and it was turning blue! He didn't want to say anything because my dad would think him to be an imbecile. My dad stared at him, shook his head in disbelief and walked off, leaving me to free the Raving Rev from his coat. My dad, not long after this, asked me the question of why I chose someone with no common sense (aka stupid). I have pondered this question for years and only today realised the answer.
I only know stupid/crazy/lack of common sense. It was what I grew up with! Of course I'm going to choose a partner lacking in common sense.
I can remember when I was about 15 years old my mum decided that we (her and I) were going to clear out the garage. Our garage was full of junk. Indeed I don't believe that any of our garages have ever been used for cars but just a place to store junk. There were tables, cabinets, boxes, tool boxes (I never understood why we had tool boxes. In my family tools were as useful to us as an oxygen tank is to a fish), old books, the list is endless. Well this garage had a leak and it had been raining plenty and the rain water had collected in various receptacles. One such place was in a planting tray atop the cabinet. Now I could clearly see that it had water in it due to the fact that my old plastic ball was floating in it. It was very obvious, or so I thought. Well my mum started her hurricane tidying (throwing junk from one side of the garage to the other and moaning about it) and halfway through she reached up for the planter. I watched as she violently grabbed the planter and yanked. The water poured all over her head. She gasped and her eyes widened. Then to add insult to injury the ball followed the water, bounced off her head and made a bid for escape through the open door. My mum stood frozen to the spot with her arm in the air, holding the now empty planter. She glared at me and as the smile began to creep upon my face she growled "Don't. You. DARE. Laugh." I stared at the water dripping off mums hair into her eyes. Mum stared back. I swallowed. "I'll go get you a towel." I ran into the house where I promptly collapsed roaring with laughter. It took me 10 minutes to control myself and be able to return outside with a towel to which I was greeted with "Took you long enough. You better not be laughing." "No, of course not" I lied.
Common Sense 0 - Stupidity 1
There was another time when I was around 16 years old. Mum had gone to bingo leaving dad and I in the house. Dad had fallen asleep after dinner so I went to my room to listen to music and read. Well, around an hour later there was a hammering at the front door. I listened and realised that dad must still be asleep as he wasn't answering it. I went and opened the door to an irate man. "Is it you who has the fire?" he barked. I stared at him, uncomprehendingly. Exasperated at my lack of response he began flailing his arms in the air whilst trying to make me understand. I worked out that someone had a bonfire. There was thick smoke. It was dangerous. It looks to be coming from our garden. "Oh that" I said. "No it's not us. Dad's in the frontroom and he's been moaning about it himself." I don't, to this day, know why I lied but I did. The man looked taken aback. He had been wrong. He apologised, left and went banging on our neighbours door. As I closed the front door I had a sinking feeling. I already knew but I had to check. As I walked to the frontroom I knew what I'd find but I prayed I'd be wrong. I hoped dad would be asleep in there, oblivious to the world and to prove that I hadn't just lied to a total stranger. I looked through the door and his chair was empty. My heart sank. I slowly wandered out to the back garden, knowing what I would find but still hoping I was wrong. I opened the backdoor and saw thick, black smoke billowing over to the houses at the back of us. I saw the fire raging and threatening to set the hedge alight. Then I saw my dad. He was doing the
most bizarre thing I have ever seen. He was running from the side of the house up to the fire with the garden hose pipe. His run though was not that of a
fireman or a regular man for that matter. He held the hose at his waist and ran pulling his knees up to his chest. It looked like something out of a comedy sketch. The hose pipe was trickling water and as he 'ran' past my dad shouted "don't worry love, it'll be fine". I sighed, turned around and went back in the house.
Common Sense 0 - Stupidity 2
Now as an adult these things should cease but yesterday I found myself again lying for parents and shaking my head. My dad needed to go to the chemist and collect some bandages for his doctors appointment. We went down to the chemist and I offered to run in and get his prescription for him. A simple job, what could go wrong? I go in, ask and receive a small bag. I check it. "No, he needs the bandages" I say. Thus begins a 20 minute stay in the chemist. They cannot find the prescription. Has it been delivered? No, if it had I wouldn't be standing there would I? Has someone picked it up? Again, no otherwise I wouldn't be standing there. Am I sure? I could feel my blood pressure rising and my temper getting shorter. At one point, four of them were staring at the computer, as if that would make the prescription appear! I wanted to say something. I was getting angry and I wanted to shout. Thankfully, God kept my tongue silent. After a very long 20 minutes they kindly gave me another set of bandages so that we could make it in time for dads appointment. As we drove to the surgery and I was retelling the saga I had that sinking feeling again. "Dad, they said someone had picked up the prescription but I said that no one had. You hadn't got the prescription had you?" His answer was this. "Yeah of
course I have love. It's in the back of the car. I forgot and I haven't checked it yet." I looked around and saw the bag. I grabbed it and looked inside. For the
first time ever in my life I slapped my dad and swore at him. "You bloody idiot the bandages are here! I nearly had a go at those poor people! I thought they were incompetent. I lied to them!" He laughed. "Oh well" was the response I received.
Common Sense 0 - Stupidity 3
Stupidity. Lack of common sense. Why did I choose a daft partner? Because I know no different. Common sense is not abundant in my family. Stupidity reigns. Makes for good stories though.
On the drive to the superstore my dad was ranting about how stupid the Raving Rev could be (this is due to something silly he had done earlier during the day, of which escapes my memory). Was he (Raving Rev) completely devoid of common sense? Did he ever think before he did something? Was there any hope for him? While my dad was having his wee rant I became acutely aware that the Raving Rev had gone silent in the back of the car. I know this silence, something has gone wrong. We park and all get out and I see his face. He's looking sheepish and trying to avoid eye contact with my dad. "What's the matter?" I ask. He held his coat out to me, well kind of. I looked closely. The Raving Rev had gone and got his thumb stuck in the buttonhole of his coat and it was turning blue! He didn't want to say anything because my dad would think him to be an imbecile. My dad stared at him, shook his head in disbelief and walked off, leaving me to free the Raving Rev from his coat. My dad, not long after this, asked me the question of why I chose someone with no common sense (aka stupid). I have pondered this question for years and only today realised the answer.
I only know stupid/crazy/lack of common sense. It was what I grew up with! Of course I'm going to choose a partner lacking in common sense.
I can remember when I was about 15 years old my mum decided that we (her and I) were going to clear out the garage. Our garage was full of junk. Indeed I don't believe that any of our garages have ever been used for cars but just a place to store junk. There were tables, cabinets, boxes, tool boxes (I never understood why we had tool boxes. In my family tools were as useful to us as an oxygen tank is to a fish), old books, the list is endless. Well this garage had a leak and it had been raining plenty and the rain water had collected in various receptacles. One such place was in a planting tray atop the cabinet. Now I could clearly see that it had water in it due to the fact that my old plastic ball was floating in it. It was very obvious, or so I thought. Well my mum started her hurricane tidying (throwing junk from one side of the garage to the other and moaning about it) and halfway through she reached up for the planter. I watched as she violently grabbed the planter and yanked. The water poured all over her head. She gasped and her eyes widened. Then to add insult to injury the ball followed the water, bounced off her head and made a bid for escape through the open door. My mum stood frozen to the spot with her arm in the air, holding the now empty planter. She glared at me and as the smile began to creep upon my face she growled "Don't. You. DARE. Laugh." I stared at the water dripping off mums hair into her eyes. Mum stared back. I swallowed. "I'll go get you a towel." I ran into the house where I promptly collapsed roaring with laughter. It took me 10 minutes to control myself and be able to return outside with a towel to which I was greeted with "Took you long enough. You better not be laughing." "No, of course not" I lied.
Common Sense 0 - Stupidity 1
There was another time when I was around 16 years old. Mum had gone to bingo leaving dad and I in the house. Dad had fallen asleep after dinner so I went to my room to listen to music and read. Well, around an hour later there was a hammering at the front door. I listened and realised that dad must still be asleep as he wasn't answering it. I went and opened the door to an irate man. "Is it you who has the fire?" he barked. I stared at him, uncomprehendingly. Exasperated at my lack of response he began flailing his arms in the air whilst trying to make me understand. I worked out that someone had a bonfire. There was thick smoke. It was dangerous. It looks to be coming from our garden. "Oh that" I said. "No it's not us. Dad's in the frontroom and he's been moaning about it himself." I don't, to this day, know why I lied but I did. The man looked taken aback. He had been wrong. He apologised, left and went banging on our neighbours door. As I closed the front door I had a sinking feeling. I already knew but I had to check. As I walked to the frontroom I knew what I'd find but I prayed I'd be wrong. I hoped dad would be asleep in there, oblivious to the world and to prove that I hadn't just lied to a total stranger. I looked through the door and his chair was empty. My heart sank. I slowly wandered out to the back garden, knowing what I would find but still hoping I was wrong. I opened the backdoor and saw thick, black smoke billowing over to the houses at the back of us. I saw the fire raging and threatening to set the hedge alight. Then I saw my dad. He was doing the
most bizarre thing I have ever seen. He was running from the side of the house up to the fire with the garden hose pipe. His run though was not that of a
fireman or a regular man for that matter. He held the hose at his waist and ran pulling his knees up to his chest. It looked like something out of a comedy sketch. The hose pipe was trickling water and as he 'ran' past my dad shouted "don't worry love, it'll be fine". I sighed, turned around and went back in the house.
Common Sense 0 - Stupidity 2
Now as an adult these things should cease but yesterday I found myself again lying for parents and shaking my head. My dad needed to go to the chemist and collect some bandages for his doctors appointment. We went down to the chemist and I offered to run in and get his prescription for him. A simple job, what could go wrong? I go in, ask and receive a small bag. I check it. "No, he needs the bandages" I say. Thus begins a 20 minute stay in the chemist. They cannot find the prescription. Has it been delivered? No, if it had I wouldn't be standing there would I? Has someone picked it up? Again, no otherwise I wouldn't be standing there. Am I sure? I could feel my blood pressure rising and my temper getting shorter. At one point, four of them were staring at the computer, as if that would make the prescription appear! I wanted to say something. I was getting angry and I wanted to shout. Thankfully, God kept my tongue silent. After a very long 20 minutes they kindly gave me another set of bandages so that we could make it in time for dads appointment. As we drove to the surgery and I was retelling the saga I had that sinking feeling again. "Dad, they said someone had picked up the prescription but I said that no one had. You hadn't got the prescription had you?" His answer was this. "Yeah of
course I have love. It's in the back of the car. I forgot and I haven't checked it yet." I looked around and saw the bag. I grabbed it and looked inside. For the
first time ever in my life I slapped my dad and swore at him. "You bloody idiot the bandages are here! I nearly had a go at those poor people! I thought they were incompetent. I lied to them!" He laughed. "Oh well" was the response I received.
Common Sense 0 - Stupidity 3
Stupidity. Lack of common sense. Why did I choose a daft partner? Because I know no different. Common sense is not abundant in my family. Stupidity reigns. Makes for good stories though.
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